Drivin' on The Wrong Side
by hagrid51
Summary: Hagrid takes harry from the carnage at Godric's Hollow and finds many neighbors from the Forbidden Forest ready and willing to help the little tyke.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: _I got som'mat I need ter tell ya now, This be me first story ever written__and__If'en after ya read this story ya still think I'm Ms Rowling then I'll eat Buckbeak. Only ink being used, and not a knut in payment. That be earned with readers and reviews._

**Drivin' on the wrong side**

**Chapter One: A Blanket were Born**

I had just come inside me hut from the shed out back. See, I'd been out there polishin' Sirius' bike and Fang were actin' his fool hound self as usual, woofin' loud, an' lower'an a dragon's growl. Made me wonder how ol' Norbert were doin'. Never can think back ter watchin' the baby dragon hatch without seein' 'Arry's green eyes lookin' bright with wonder. The combination of those things; Sirius' bike, a hound dog makin' dragon noises and 'Arry's eyes sent me into a memory as I waited fer the kettle ter boil.

Lookin' back now to the first night I flew little 'Arry on that same motorcycle I were so worried I'm surprised I remembered any of the fancy things Sirius told me about his motorbike. How it would chance sizes ter fit the rider, how ter make it fly, turn invisible, soundless, with anti-fall charms… Oh, he could go on. Maybe he noticed how shook up I was from the scene inside James and Lily's house. He told me he didn't need his bike anymore an' asked me to hold it fer him. I took one more look at the cut on little 'Arry's forehead and we headed straight for Madame Pomphrey.

Try as she might, the school matron couldn't really close that ligh'nin' shaped cut. She wanted ter keep him in the hospital ward but I told her that I had me orders from Dumbledore himself an' he told me not to let little 'Arry outta me sight till I gave him back to the professor. I took him down ter me hut and made up a little bed on one of me pillows fer him. He seemed ter like chewin' on the dried strips of dragon meat I enjoy during me walks into the forest. I settled 'Arry down ter sleep an' I were tidi'n up from changing his nappies when I heard an odd hoof like knock low down on me back door.

I moved right quick ter answer the door as I didn't want ter have little 'Arry woken up so soon after fallin asleep. When the door opened I saw som'mat I never thought I'd see: A Bowtruckle riding on the back of a Unicorn. Gobsmacked, I think is what you'd call the expression on me face. The Bowtruckle laughed in a tiny little voice as the Unicorn stepped inside me hut. I rushed ter clean up right quick as the Unicorn shuffled over an' the Bowtruckle, who I by then recognized as Willen, slipped off her back onto the table. He marched as only a Bowtruckle can, to the center of the table where he placed one pincer shaped hand on me pepper grinder and the other on the salt shaker. Couldn't understand a thing he asked, but what he got was a nice table and chair, in his own size. Once settled he watched as I filled a shallow bucket with water and found a shout-glass I had been gifted, and made tea.

With a bowl of water on the table for Zoe and tea in the shout-glass for Willen, my new guest's needs were met. I looked sideways at me bed, checkin' on little 'Arry when Willen said "Harry Potter is the reason for our visit." My mug o' tea hit the table, I were that shocked. Willen sipped his tea and the Unicorn whin'eed in a laughing sort of way. Reckon my glance weren't so sly as I thought. Willen then started what seemed ter be a pre-planned speech. "We have been in meetings since we felt Harry Potter stop the evil. It was decided that Zoe and I would be sent to help you this night." He went on till I stopped his list making' so that I could get parchment and quill. He laughed and told me I could have his list when he were done speachifyin'. His list were too small fer me even to know if it had writin' on it at all. His speachifyin' apparently ruined, he held up his list and started chantin' as parchment flowed from his fingertip, until a list were written big enough on it fer even me ta see easily. First thing on this list was fer me ter call a certain house elf.

"Duffy!" I called out, forgettin' that little 'Arry were asleep, and got two house elves fer the call of one. Duffy was shushin' me an' the other elf was already rockin' little 'Arry back ter sleep. "Treehugger can not be waking the great Mister Harry Potter Sir as he is needing his sleep" he said. "Ellie will be tending to Mister Harry Potter Sir as I can see your list is being rather longish, and you will be needing all the help you can gets" The other elf, Ellie, had 'Arry back asleep and she were cleaning up me whole hut, like I didn't do a good enough job when it got done. Duffy climbed up into one of me chairs, and kept climbin' as the chair grew under him so he ended up sittin' with the rest of us. It were an odd group that settled into work.

The creatures of the forest had decided they would help 'Arry as they could. When Duffy and Ellie got involved, the design was altered, but the plan remained the same, make a blanket to protect Harry Potter. I have a fair few tail hairs from Unicorns that I find in the forest, caught on branches and bushes mostly, snagged as one of the lovely creatures trotted past. When I offered my collection Willen told me that Zoe was being honored by donatin' her tail to the effort. Let me repeat that, Her Entire tail !. With that much magic woven into a blanket none at the table could imagine the final outcome.

One thing yer gotta say about house elves; they know how to weave! The elf were told there weren't much time so she snapped her fingers and the little blue blanket that 'Arry were wrapped in floated over and began to unravel into a single strand. Zoe suggested through Willen, as her go between, that I use a sharp cleaver and just 'give 'er a bob'. Willen seemed to think that she was trying to start a new fashion in the forest by being the first Unicorn with a bob'd tail. As Ellie the elf was poppin' out ter get her spinnin' wheel an' weavin' frame, Willen was some how making the ends of hair connect with just one other end, making the longest known spool of Unicorn tail hair ever seen.

As the evening progressed others from the forest visited, leavin' their own contributions fer the cause. A few of Aarragog's children dropped off a large ball of their silky webbing, not offerin' to stay. They know most folks don't even try to understand them let alone spending time inside me little hut with them. The thestrals stopped by with long strips of old torn wing leather, to be used as a border to sense when Little 'Arry needed the blanket to help protect him and heal him. Willen was soon using his pincer like hands to punch runes in the wing leather to activate when little 'Arry's blood had been spilt.

A wildly happy rouge of nifflers rolled several dozen glass jars onto the table and Duffy thought he could grind down the different colored powders in the jars fine enough to make dye and he and Ellie could weave a little bit of elf magic into the project as well as giving the blanket a brighter, more colourful look. A look only Duffy seemed to think was not jarring enough to make you stumble when you saw it.

Cooler heads prevailed and a rainbow was woven into one of the corners using the strong silk thread from the arachnids. Duffy's little patch of magic would act to make sure 'Arry and his clothes were kept clean and his extra magic was stored within the blanket to be kept hidden. With as much magic as the little tyke was encircled in he was going to be a strong wizard. Duffy's rainbow would soak up almost all of 'Arry's excess magic as it flowed outwards from his core. As house elves rely on their Master's magic to keep them strong, this rainbow would feed 'Arry's magic back to him in times of need. The Centaurs were represented by two young fillies who stitched the points of the compass into the corners. Duffy's rainbow became the North Point making his magic even stronger.

As miss Ellie started weaving the strand from 'Arry's old blanket the Unicorn hair strand was woven on a diagonal pattern makin' the blanket look almost like a cloud, blue and white and shiftin' and changin' an' the neighbors in the forest sang and cried out into the night, adding to the power of the plan, the blanket.

There's a lotta creatures that live in the forest, mostly just misunderstood to my way of thinkin', but nothin' Evil. An' I can tell yer right now that each and every one of them knew what happened, and when it happened, and that is were "Arry Potter that done it. The Dark Side had not been kind to the residents of the forest. They had seen early on that many promises were made, but the only lasting truth was one of pain for serving that nightmare of a mad-man.

The magic was flowing strong and thick around the table as more and more items were blended into the blanket. As it was weaving it took on a look like a hallow-gram, each piece separate, floating, waiting for all the effects and efforts to be joined at once. It was colourful and mezmorizing and only little 'Arry cryin' in his sleep moved anyone's eyes from the magical display. Miss Ellie the elf were changing 'Arry's bandage on his forehead when Zoe started stompin', snortin' and finally leaned around and bit herself hard enough to draw blood. I don't know if Willen even touched the table top he moved so fast to catch the willingly given Unicorn blood to aid 'Arry. Fawkes swooped in at that point and healed Zoe's bite mark with a single tear. He sent an image of mixing 'Arry's scar blood with Zoe's blood to Willen. When Willen magiced my shout-glass clean and had mixed the tears together Fawkes leaned over the mixture and cried two tears, one from each eye. Pearly and thick, the tears blended with the silver and red blood in a tri-coloured swirl. This swirl then hovered in place over the blanket, pulsing and waiting with the rest for the time of sealing.

A tiny heart shape floated in one of the open windows. The trail of fairies following explained that the heart was made of moke fur. This would ensure that nobody or nothing could take the blanket away from little 'Arry. My fireplace flared green and tiny Professor Flitwick rolled out onto the floor. He was rolling because the spool of Golden thread in his arms was nearly as round as Fillius was tall. Fillius squeaked out his explanation. "Since I am of Goblin blood, and that I teach here, the Goblins asked me to deliver their gift: providing your secret plan with enough gold to ensure that any runes being used would be able to be stitched in gold." Duffy had slipped from his chair and silently guided the charms genius to a sitting position as he spoke. The design that would be used started with the Golden thread at the center of the blood and tears swirl. After finishin' its journey the thread would tie back into the swirl at its outer edge, completing the circle. Being tied together using the blood, tears, gold and magic from all those contributing would make a set of runes powerful enough to glow in the dark for decades to come.

Moaning Myrtle brought a gift of hair from the Merpeople. She had been told to have a trident stitched at the West Point on the compass. As it was cold, dark, and most of all wet where the Merfolks lived, they had told Myrtle it would help protect 'Arry from those conditions. It would also help with 'Arry's night vision. As more gifts arrived everyone realized that alone, none of these "things" would do much, but together the magics all just seemed to work together and create a truly magical artifact.

Dawn crept in through the east window as we were all catching a bite to eat. House elves had been popping in and out all night making sure there was no one was needing a freshen up for their tea. A ray of sunlight pierced the floating construct at the Eastern Point of the compass and after a flash of light there above the blanket floated a small sun, with every colour of any sunrise roiling within the center.

As we chatted about that last gift, we began guessing what would let us know it needed to become the South Point on the compass. Duffy's rainbow was woven in before the centaurs showed up, and the other points had powers known to the ones giving the gift, but not to any of us at the time. Truth be told, we were all just resting, building up our magic so we could all add to the final casting, the sealing.

Little 'Arry had been awake for a while before even Miss Ellie the house elf noticed. He were laying in his pillow bed and watching everything that moved in the crowded hut. His eyes had still been a bit puffy from cryin' the night before, but an even brighter color green then is mums. Maybe Duffy's original colour scheme could keep up with 'Arry's emerald gaze, but nothing else short of Albus' ropes stood a chance as bein' near as bright.

After being fed and splashed, the little critter climbed up the same chair that Duffy had, and he used the same house elf approach to the problem. He sat down directly on top of Willen. Willen moved so fast he was resting up before 'Arry landed on the unoccupied table top. As Bowtruckles are wont to do, he had been kneeling down, talking in his own way, to the table top its self. He saw a nappy rushing at him from behind in the reflection of the table as the top blushed from an unexpected compliment, and had bum rushed his way outta the way before he was landed on.

'Arry was fascinated by Willen. At fifteen months old, almost everything fascinated him. He tilted his head and looked at Willen. He had a look on his face like he was asking a question, and Willen answered a question none of us heard, by saying "Yes Harry, I was asking after the health of the furniture. How did you know?" Well, that being said out loud made poor Zoe snort water up her nostrils and sneeze into my beard. Little 'Arry bounced up and down, clapping his tiny hands together, happy to have been answered by someone he had never met before. I looked down, wiping me beard with a towel and saw Fillius' reflection looking at me with eyes that were huge with interest and understanding.

At some point in me past, after I were expelled from the school, I might have asked the little'est Professor if he could make me an umbrella frame with some would I would provide. I requested that each little spoke be removable separately. He gave me a funny look and started a long charm that had me head spinnin' before he were done. The spokes spun and the Handle was formed without it looking like transfiguration. As the charm settled, he asked me for my snapped wand parts. With a flick of his wrist, two of the spokes unscrewed themselves from the frame and twisted together to form the tip and point of the frame. My broken wand halves spun into the frame, secured tightly in the frame, a frame of wand quality wood. Fillius never asked why I wanted the brolly made, I think he always knew my plan was to hide the broken pieces inside me brolly. He also never asked why I would bring him the wood instead of asking Minerva to transfigure him one from any old branch.

As the kneazle was amongst the pixies now, I put me hand on the faithful pink bumpershoot and looked at Willen. When I looked back to the professor, ya could've knocked him over with one of his flight lesson feathers. Any ol' schmo can carve a stick to look like a wand, but if the wood came from a tree that wasn't being guarded by a Bowtruckle, then all you had was a stick. Sure, it might look like a wand, but it would always only be a stick. Fillius knew my biggest well known secret. Now three of us knew the real secret. Willen and now Fillius, along with me. When the parts from my wand fit into the oak top star, they reconnected with each other, being oak as well. The handle for my invented wand is right close to being a meter in length, gives me great aim, and no trace can be found as I'm not actually touching my wand. And let that be a lesson to any young uns out there. The trace never breaks, if your wand does.

Ready and rested, we all stood in a circle around the floating collection of gifts. We had decided to each direct our thoughts and well wishes toward any gift in any sequence so each gift would feel us individually and help strengthen the bonds of our magic. By following different paths, our magic would lay down more crossing layers into the weave. At midmorning the hut was fairly well humming with magic and love. The fairies were sliding down the diagonal thread of Unicorn tail hair making the colour patterns change. The moke fur heart was pulsing in time to the music that was building in the air. The sound of waves crashing onto a beach under the Western Point helped draw notice of everyone as the Golden thread powered up the runes on the trident. Duffy's rainbow was flushed with ever changing colours at the Northern Point. The sunrise was flaring out in the Eastern Point. Little 'Arry sat watching, his eyes alight with magic. He reached up to touch the empty Southern Point of the compass when the squibs hit the skids, so ter speak.

The kitchen window exploded inwards, shattered by a diving falcon's beak. The bird passed little 'Arry's forehead at top speed, talons lashed out and grasped a thick dark mass of evil that was escaping from the scar. One flap of its wings took it clean through the blanket as the magic snapped into place, the falcon vanished leaving the Southern Point of the compass with a mark exactly the same shape as the scar on 'Arry's forehead. Arry slowly leaned back and toppled over, asleep ter the world.

'Arry slept while Fillius ran scan after scan on him, every one of em showing the tyke to be asleep, takin' a kip, havin' a snooze, catchin' some Zeds. Nothing more. Just a tired baby accordin' to the blanket anyway. As the falcon had flared out, the blanket had come alive, surrounding 'Arry. Runes flashed and blinked, the compass points flared and spun in place. The blanket was soaking up 'Arry's overflowing magic, charging the elfen runes like a muggle battery to be spent as needed to keep 'Arry clean and healthy. Healing powers were being directed to the scar by the thestral's gift. The little rascal slept through it all.

I couldn't take me eyes from Fillius's face, he had a look on it of terror understood. "Fillius" I started "whatever did you see?" His gaze wondered toward mine, his sharp mind be-booting. "horcrux" was all he muttered. His answer left most of still looking for the answer while Willen and Zoe now had the look of horrible understanding on their faces. Fillius picked little 'Arry up and sat him down on his lap. I couldn't help but laugh, seeing little 'Arry on the tiny professor's lap were just too cute. I stopped laughing soon enough when Fillius told us what a horcrux is and how one were made. The darkest magic. A cold blooded murder to create a rip in your soul, a container made ready before hand, and the tearing off and placement of the bit of soul into the container and it was believed that you would always be tied to this mortal plane. Immortality, plain and simple.

The professor would only be satisfied with an oath from us all to not disclose what we had just learned, and seen with anyone else. He figured it must have been you-know-whose horcrux, and that we now had an advantage we didn't even know was possible. "Voldemort's soul has been ripped from his body, and he thinks he is safe due to his incomplete horcrux, but only WE know that his nasty piece of magic was cleansed from Harry by the fast falcon" Fillius reasoned. "I imagine that he will float as a waif for many more years than he expects" he continued. The school's smallest teacher went on to teach us enough about them nasty pieces of dark magic to make us understand that one could make as many horcruz as one pleased, but after the first split your soul simple stopped functioning if you attempted more splits. You would short circuit the plan and be He with no mo' horcruz real quick like. First or fifteenth, you only got one split, after that you were just trimming dead wood from a fallen branch.

"It seems to me" I began, a thought bubbling up from me core "that what was just pulled from little 'Arry's scar was not one of them horcruxes, but old Voldy's original remaining soul piece." Stunned silence was the response. I carried on "Now wait for it. He didn't have time ter make no vessel to hold a horcrunch in, and there was nothing left lying round in little 'Arry's nursery neither, such as a body." "if'en old Tom lost his body then his soul musta made the jump to possess 'Arry when the spell bounced off the tyke." "The poor lad spent the night with an evil dark wizard trapped in his head." Tears leaked down my face as I knew I had failed. Failed Dumbledore, failed Lily and James, failed little 'Arry. I can't stand it!

My tears were stopped with a Whoop from Willen. He was staring up at me like we had never met. I guess he didn't know I could think that deep or som'mat. He was frozen in place, thinking fast, and looking like a large brown Praying Mantis. He whooped again and jumped up, calling me of all people Brilliant. "Don't you see?" he asked, turning in a circle, looking at us all. "He who must not be named just became he who can not come back." His soul is gone, not destroyed, but simply Gone!" "Any horcrux is left on the wrong plane. If he can call that bit of nasty to him, then he will be reborn on another plane, another world, away from US."

Little 'Arry got the party started at that point by climbing down from the professor's lap and sitting on the table next to Willen. He then spun around looking very much like Willen had done, his eyes popped open in laughter as he spun faster and faster, his magic free to play. When his speed was so fast the little tyke was beginning to blur, Willen held up one of his hands and slowly pulled the speed off, leaving little 'Arry to topple over, too dizzy and giddy to remain upright.

I was not nearly as concerned about flying Sirius' motorbike later that evening as I wrapped up little 'Arry in his blanket of protection and tucked him inside me moleskin coat. The big bike started up and we rolled up ter speed for takeoff with all our friends laughing and waving and we lifted off and we was off to Surrey. We was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer**: _I got som'mat I need fer ya to know right now. This be the second, and last chappie from the first story I've ever written__and __If'en after ya read this chappie ya still think I'm Ms Rowling then I'll eat Buckbeak. Only fresh ink and second hand parchment is being used, and not a knut in payment. That be earned with readers and reviewers._

**Drivin' on The Wrong Side**

**Chapter two: Why British muggles drive on the wrong side. **

I found me self amazed at how a brain works. Well, me own brain anyway. I were flyin' from Hogwarts to Little Whing Wang or som'mat like that, when I looked down so I could follow the roads. I panic'd when I realized I didn't know which side of the little dotty lines I was supposed ter land on. They wouldn't want ter see me landing down the center of the road, would they?

Once I found Privet Drive I realized the road didn't have any dotty lines anyway, so I crash landed, again, just like the night before. Sirius must have forgotten to tell me som'mat about that part of flying. When I got recovered I saw both Professor McGonogal and the HeadMaster staring at me like I just fell from the sky, Oh, that right, I just did fall from the sky.

"Hello professors" I greeted "Got little 'Arry here, all tuckered out and sleepin' like the babe that he is". "Little tyke did all right flyin', fell asleep over Bristol, cradled in me arm". "I was concentratin' on not droppin' little 'Arry while I flew him to Hogwarts last night, but we made it safe enough". The HeadMasters' head mastered a head pivot like an owl when he heard me sayin' that. What? Did he think I was gonna fly around for 24 hours?

He asked, in a tone that stated that not answerin' wasn't an option at all, "Who did you see after landing at the school, and just who had seen Harry?" Well, I told them both that I had seen Madam Pomphrey as well as Professor Flitwick and they had seen 'Arry too. I didn't think he wanted ta hear all about me forest neighbors, none of them being human and all. Fillius wasn't gonna say not'in, seeing as how he made us all swear oaths not to. So, I figured that's what the HeadMaster were looking for. I also figured the good Matron was gonna tear strips from the old man's hide about not lettin' her keep 'Arry overnight. It turns out we had more important things to do rather'an being poked and prodded all night.

Professor McGonogal had taken little 'Arry from me and she looked like she were as outta place as a fish in pudding. Had she never held a baby before? I've seen boys as young as eight hold infant siblings with a higher comfort level. I watched her, tryin' not ter chuckle, and missed some of what Dumbledore was natterin' on about.

He were goin' on about how important it were to keep little 'Arry hidden and protected when I realized I needed ter be listenin'. We had done a right good protection job for 'Arry last night I thought, but I were keepin' me trap shut about All of That activity.

Professor McGonogal were actin' like tearin' strips from Albus was a good enough idea ter her as well. I took little 'Arry back from her at that point. Didn't want the little tyke getting' shaken nor stirred. She had spent the entire day watchin' the house we were in front of, and she hadn't liked what she had seen. Hissin' and spittin' like a mother cat fighten' over a mouse, she had told the HeadMaster just exactly what she had seen and heard. He stood tall and straight, and let every one of her concerns roll off his back like the concerns were water an' his name were DumbleDuck. No worry at all from him as he told us both, his eyes twinklin' ter beat the band "I have erected blood wards here based on Lily's sacrifice and as long as Harry can call the place home where is mother's blood resides, he would remain safe from all who wish him harm".

I stepped back thinkin' about what I had just heard… blood wards based on his mum? Lily wasn't livin' at all, let alone here of all places and Albus hadn't seen 'Arry last night, so he couldn't 'ave used none of little 'Arry's blood. Just who were the wards protectin'? The Dursleys? He could've gone to Godric's Hollow to get some of Lily's blood after I left there last night I figured, but there were no blood spilled at all inside the house except for 'Arry's cut. Just the lifeless gaze outta James and Lily's eyes. Oh please tell me that Albus didn't abuse a corpse ter get blood from it. I can not think of a darker act, so no, Albus Dumbledore of ALL wizards would Not 'ave done that. But where had he been since this time last night? Minerva hadn't said he was with her at all during the day and he wasn't at James and Lily's with me last night, so where had he been? When did he put up those blood wards? Was this his second midnight visit in two days?

Albus reached into his robes and pulled out an envelope. He took 'Arry in his arms and walked to the front door. Placin' little 'Arry on the step he tucked the envelope into 'Arry's blanket and stepped back to stand with Professor McGonogal. The good Professor was starin' slack jawed at Dumbledore. "A letter?" she started "You are leaving them a letter?" "These people will never understand anything you could have written in a letter". I stood stunned. It Looked ter me like she were gonna start takin' them strips from his hide at this very second.

Hadn't the HeadMaster felt the magic from the blanket? Didn't he see any of the charms and protections we had placed there? Was he bein' a sly old fox or was the blanket protectin' itself so it could protect little 'Arry? Was he really just gonna leave the baby down there and walk away? At night? In November?

I knew I needed more answers than I was gonna find on me own, so I left along with the professors, the HeadMaster poppin' off and Professor McGonogal changing to her cat form and slinkin' around the side of the house. I bet she stayed there till dawn, keepin' a cat's eye on the boy. I climbed back onboard Sirius' bike and figured at least crashin' at the school was softer than crashin' on asphalt. As I flew, I wondered about them little dotty lines I had seen on the streets. I know a few blokes who like to talk 'bout how much they know of muggles, and I figured a story or two was worth the price of a few drinks to find out, so I headed fer the Leaky Cauldren . What were one more crash landin'? I asked me self.

Old Tom looked up as I entered the old pub. I wondered who was older, old Tom or the old pub. I waved a hand ter him in greetin, and he handed me one of the bigger mugs that he keeps on hand for me use when I visit the establishment. Takin' a bit swig o' mead I relaxed, smiled at Old Tom and asked if he had seen Arthur Weasley around. He smiled his toothless smile and reminded me that Arthur had best be home at this hour, to help Molly keep all them kids in bed at night. I remembered hearin' that Molly finally given birth to a girl to dote on, and now maybe she would stop givin' her husband even more mouths to feed. I mean, seven kids includin' the baby girl, that's enough ter field a quiditch team fer cryin' out loud. Chuckin' to meself I turned from the bar and looked around to see who was in the pub. Charity Burbage was walkin' into the pub from the Diagon Alley entrance and I thought … Muggle Studies teacher, she should know som'mat about muggle drivin' rules, shouldn't she?

"Professor Burbage, Charity" I called to her. She seemed startled that she was bein' called and looked around not thinkin' ter look up. I lowered me voice and repeated "Charity?" She looked ter her left, right at me belt buckle, before lookin' up and leanin' back. Bout near to fallin' over she were. I asked what she knew of muggle automobiles and she said they were a new invention and she didn't think it was a fad that was gonna catch on in their world. I wondered when she had stepped outside the pub door and taken a walk in the muggle world. We moved toward the bar so I could buy her a drink when I spotted Dedilus Diggle seated a few bar stools down.

Mr. Diggle Esquire has been a cross boarder Solicitor for more decades than I can remember, so I figured he Must know som'mat about muggle drivin' rules. After orderin' a Gilly Water for Charity and Fire Whisky for Dedilus I settled down an' asked "Dedilus, what are them little dotty lines on muggle roads for?" Maybe to help them land flyin' motorbikes and automobiles? Well Dedilus were takin' a sip o' his drink an' did a classic spit take and sprayed his mouthful of Fire whisky all over the bar, lightin' a few small fires on the surface of the counter. "The dots are there to keep the fool muggles from driving into each other, and nothing more" he said with the aires of someone who had not just spit flames across the bar. Lucky fer me there was a man at the bar who didn't think the answer I received was complete. Lucky fer this gentleman that he were not sitting across a table from Dedilus at the time.

This gentleman told me the muggles had ter get licenses ta drive, just like we needed for apparition. He then figured that if the muggles needed a license, that it only went ter reason that there must be some rules, at the very least. I chuckled, thinkin' so much for wizard logic. We was sharin' a few drinks and stories about muggle roadways and such when he mentioned he had followed some muggles dressed more like us than then regular muggles one time, An' he were led into a big field filled with muggles dressed hundreds and more years out of fashion and there were a festival goin' on all around him.

He said he spent some time wanderin' round the festival, tastin' and sippin' as he went, until he came upon som'mat that he figured must be the answer to my question concernin' which side of the dots to land on. He described a contest where two men, on horses, holdin' long spears or som'mat lined up facing each other with a fence running between the two men. On a signal the two started their horses gallopin' at each other along the fence line and attempted to knock each other off with them long spears as they passed. He said that the sport were called flouncing, or some such. Now I've heard, and even told a few tall tales me self after a few rounds, but I never!

This young fella, Cyrus he called his self, told me he had talked with some of those flouncers and he claims they lined up facing each other with their spears in their right hands, being the strongest side, and steered their horses with the weak side left arm. I musta looked down four times during the story ter see if he were tying bells on me ankles. He went on ter say the flouncers wore heavy armor to protect themselves from being poked with the others' spear. I bought Cyrus one more drink, just as a salute fer bein' brave enough ter say such nonsense out loud in public.

I headed back ter the Castle, thinkin' I'd better find Filius in the mornin' and let him know what happened at the Dursley's. Maybe he would want ter visit that "renaissance festival" as Cyrus had called it. He and I could go together, I'm sure if others were dressed like what we call normal we wouldn't be noticed, er.. too much.

I asked Filius the next morning during breakfast in the great hall how it were that Dumbledore hadn't seen all the charms and such on little 'Arry's blanket at the Dursley's house. "We all gave our oaths to not discuss what happened with anyone who wasn't there, and the blanket was there and heard our oaths. It would seem that the blanket hid our efforts as a means of obeying the oaths". Me head were spinnin' with that little bit of information.

I've known fer a long time that I was no great shakes at magic, but the fact that a blanket could choice to hide, or not hide, the magic in its self made me wonder if all witches and wizards that went ter school past third year knew that. When did they learn that? Maybe before OWL exams, or maybe their NEWT year? Seemed like very advanced magic ter me.

When I mentioned that ter Filius, he toppled right off his chair he were laughin' so hard. I leaned over and picked him back up, ploppin' him back in his chair as he calmed himself. Still chuckin' he whispered to me "This from a man who uses magic without touching his wand" and saying it seemed to excite the little professor again so much he fell off his chair again.

We went ter that festival Cyrus told me about that next weekend. Filius saw folks dressed as Jester's at the festival and thought he could get away with a suit like theirs for a costume, He flicked his wand, and just as fast he were dressed just like them other Jesters, only shorter. I looked down and tried ter picture me self dressed as a Jester, and decided my clothin' pretty much fit in with the muggles, so I left things alone and stayed dressed like I was. Who ever heard of a twelve foot tall Jester anyway?

We heard a crowd cheerin' and decided to investigate. We strolled over, well I strolled, Filius pumped his little legs as fast as he could to keep up with me, but at any rate we made our way to the flouncin' tournament. Filius climbed up about nine rows of bleachers and sat in the end seat so we could chat with each other and our heads would be at the same height. I stood next ter him in a walkway between two sets of the bleachers, they didn't look strong enough fer me to be climbin' round on.

A stable boy lead a horse up from behind me, turns out the walkway were the horses path to the flouncin' fence. It were big, fer a muggle horse anyway. It were covered in what muggles think of as amour. Looked more like some sorta minimum foil ter me. I reached out and patted the horse on the hind quarters as it were led past, and I dented the foil, left a big hand print visible. "Amour indeed!" I huffed. I saw som'mat fallin' next er me and I snatched it outta the air, only ter find Filius laughin' his fool head off giggalin' about seein' a horse with a huge hand print on his rump.

Lookin' up at the sound of hooves poundin' the turf, we saw two riders slam their pole points into each others chest plates and I hoped they had more protection than just a minimum foil. Both horses kept running, but only one rider kept ridin'. The other stopped so fast he floated fer a bit as his horse ran out from under him, then he sat, hard, on the grass, from about five feet in the air. Was the floatin' part why they named this activity flouncin'?

In no time another pair of riders were thunderin' at each other, one with a hand print banged into the minimum foil. One little bloke musta been tired as his pole point droopped lower and lower so that before the horses swept past each other the point had hit the dirt and that rider shot straight up in the air and were missed completely by the opposin' rider. I heard a tiny laugh echo from the masked helmet hangin' in the air and I looked ter me left. Filius were not sittin' in the bleachers, nor were he at my feet laughin', so that meant… he were hangin' onto the pole in the air! He hadn't conjured armour for his backside and so as he slid down the pole his Jester suit were visible beneath the shiny armour, lookin' fer all the world like a pair of green and yeller bloomers.

I scurried over and grabbed him up as he were slidin' in a circular fashion down around the pole, and headed outta there before anyone had a chance to ask us any questions. Filius laughed for the better part of an hour back in me hut. Filius are a brilliant man, so I figured what he had done at the festival were more likely to be flouncing than those muggles had done. That had looked more like a joust than a flounce.

I don't know if what Cyrus told me were correct about which side of the dots on the road you should land on, but we had a good time at the festival and Filius still wears his Jester suit some times. But without the minimum foil.

**The story be at its end now.**

**A/N:** Thanks fer reading. I named the house elves in the story after me late parents, bless their souls.


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